Aussie linguists?

[dank]

Would one of our Australian residents be interested in taking a look at 1 or 2 pages of dialogue to make sure I strung various words and phrases together properly? It's a small scene in a screenplay I've been working on, and I'd hate to submit something (not quite there yet) that someone would recognize as hackneyed.

It's actually more like half a page of dialogue (4-5 lines) spread over a page or two. Pretty minimal.

Thanks in advance!

Dan

[Stephen]

a screenplay? fair dinkum mate. put a shrimp on the barbee while you're at it. corker!

sorry. couldn't resist

why don't you just paste the lines here. if there's any problem with them you'll find out soon enough.

[dank]

I only used a couple of those words...

why don't you just paste the lines here.

Not a particularly wise move, even once it's registered.

Dan

[Stephen]

trust me, no one rips off partial works. in general i'd agree that putting a synopsis of your work into the public domain is foolish before getting a piece sold, but putting a couple of pages of an actual screenplay out there is "as safe as houses" (is that another down under gem i'm throwing you?)

you wait until you try to unload the thing. bloody hell (another one?). that's when you find out that all your overprotectiveness really doesn't make a whole bunch of sense. if you're really serious, once you finish, try www.triggerstreet.com as a testing ground. that site is produced by kevin spacey.

well, crikey mate. time to go. my pet crodocile is into the chicken pieces on the barbee.

[dank]

I hear what you're saying, and I've read a lot of opinions on both sides of the fence (I frequent a couple of screenwriting forums), but the general consensus is that only idiotic amateurs put their work out there publicly. I'd hope to not be considered either.

triggerstreet, zoetrope, and the like have a rather bad reputation for being just a bunch of really awful writers with nothing better to do than rip each other apart. Bad feedback from bad writers. Yeah! Me thinks a bitter writer is worse than a woman scorned...

I've gotten feedback from 4 people so far, but it's still in the revision stage and not ready to be shopped around. Baby steps...

Dan

[Andilinks]

...to make sure I strung various words and phrases together properly?

Unless there's some story element that requires an Aussie it's probably better for you to just make your character an American or model him on something you're more comfortable with like a neighbor, client, etc.

But testing various dialog elements can be done well in online chatrooms having themes nothing to do with writing.

You may have to spend some time in some particular Aussie chatroom. You will not only be able to test your lines and various attitudes, but probably pick up some original ideas as well.

But the authenticity of specific expressions is trivial compared to the originality of the concept, story, plot devices etc.

Good Luck!

Andi

[dank]

it's probably better for you to just make your character an American

I've got plenty of those already... Just a bit player to spice things up and add an extra dimension to the overall story.

I'm getting the sense this request was a waste of time. I can occasionally take a hint...

Dan

[Stephen]

I'm getting the sense this request was a waste of time

come on, dan. you asked for some feedback but you're too afraid to put the lines on the screen. you want some, you give some. that's how it works

and of course, ignore andi's advice entirely. what writer has time to hang out in a chat room just for linguistic tips!

by the way, shift the location of your story to Mars. should be topical by tomorrow.

[Andilinks]

...what writer has time to hang out in a chat room just for linguistic tips!

This is time consuming and requires some discipline and it is hardly a substitute for real-life experience.

F. Scott Fitzgerald could have avoided all those terrible hangovers had he hung out in chatrooms instead of debauching around Long Island...

And Hemingway would have avoided those risky trenches in France had he used chatrooms instead of a rickety WW I ambulance.

I could of course provide hundreds of examples of writers who would have improved their craft in chatrooms, these are just the two most obvious examples.

Andi

[dank]

No comment.

Someone offered privately to help, so it's covered.

Dan