Annoyingly polite customer service form letters

[Wassercrats]

I've noticed openers like this from a few companies. Does anyone know who originated this annoying trend and have any contact information for them?
Hello Barry,


Thank you for writing to MSN Hotmail Technical Support.

"This is Sharon and I am responding to your issue on the error messages
that you encountered when downloading Hotmail account via Outlook
Express.

I can understand the importance of this matter to you and the need for
the issue to be resolved immediately.

Barry, we appreciate the time you took in bringing this to our attention
and we truly value customer feedback such as yours, as it helps us
continue to improve the service we provide...."

By the way, I never said I need the issue resolved immediately.

[Randall]

Does anyone know who originated this annoying trend and have any contact information for them? What, so you can email them and get an annoyingly polite reply?

Randall

[Bob]

Whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

I was scared Barry was referring to me...

Not the "Polite" part but the "Annoying" part ;)

-Bob

[Randall]

Hi Bob. :ythiya:

Randall

[Wassercrats]

If I posted a complaint about Futurequest, it would probably be in Questions and Suggestions. Nothing annoying like that yet, but if Futurequest gets much bigger, you'll probably hire some PR expert that tells you do use the same type openers, and then I might say something.

I wonder if there's some study that says an opening like that works somehow or if it's just some "expert's" theory.

[MPaul]

What I find funny in this canned response is that they actually include "This is Sharon" to make it look like it's from an actual person but when I read it, it sounded like a robot's voice in my head.

BTW, what do you need MSN Hotmail for anyway? There's Gmail now, you know :smile:.

[Bob]

Hello Randall,


Thank you for writing to the FutureQuest Community Forums.

"This is Bob and I am responding to your issue "Hi to Bob".

Bob is a Bot and doesn't understand "Hi", "Hello" or "G'Day" but
Bob the Bot does appreciate the "Hi" nonetheless.

I can understand the importance of this matter to you and the need for
the issue to be resolved immediately.

Randall, we appreciate the time you took in bringing this to our attention
and we truly value customer feedback such as yours, as it helps us
continue to improve the service we provide...."

Bob the Bot says "Hi" back to you and we hope this resolves this issue
for you in a timely and complete manner.

Have a nice day.

[Randall]

Hi, this is Randall. I'll be out of the office until January 19, 2038. If possible I will get back to you sometime before the sun explodes and the giant bird-creatures start feasting on our bones.

Until then, please contact Wassercrats if you need an immediate complaint.

Randall

[Wassercrats]

I have a wassercrats-at-hotmail email address that I think I should keep, especially considering the couple of Wassercrats imposters out there, and I don't like using experimental things (assuming Gmail is still experimental) for important (or semi-important) mail. I think I should keep polisource-at-hotmail too.

[Syneryder]

I may actually have a lead on this. I don't know *who* started it, but I know some companies recently switched to that kind of email. They're getting complaints from customers who say they're being rude by not including that fluff. By adding it, the companies are trying to avoid customer resentment, credit card chargebacks, negative rants in blogs etc etc.

Joel Spolsky is the latest convert: The Road to FogBugz 4.0: Part II (http://www.joelonsoftware.com/articles/FogBugzII.html). Scroll down to the "Snippets" section, and see how they've bloated 8 word answers into 111 word emails. Joel's comment:"It's really cool and it saves a ton of time and allows us to produce the verbose email replies that are less likely to be misinterpreted." Oh, and in case anyone is confused, I'm not saying it's a good thing! :)

[Binky]

Hi, this is Binky. I know how important annoying trends are to you. I think annoyingly polite emails and letters from robots don't even compare to annoyingly polite robots you get on the phone nowadays that ask you to make your requests in plain english that it never understands. Remember how much we hated "press one for this, press two for that"? Please please please, can we go back to that?

I just sing the Toreador aria from the Barber of Seville till the robot gives up and connects me to a human. The first thing I ask the human is what word I need to say to get the human right away, in the unlikely event I will ever want to call that company again.

[jimbo]

I totally know what you mean... I've got some good ones here...

This was from my cable company just yesterday:

Dear James,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us regarding your interest in additional HD programming. We appreciate knowing which networks appeal to our customers. We use this information whenever we make changes to our lineup.

At the present time, we do not have an agreement with YES to carry their HD programming. While we do not currently offer this channel, it is possible that we may be able to bring it to you in the future.

Although High Definition Television is still in its early stages, we are moving as quickly as we can to provide as much content as possible. Comcast is constantly working on ways to provide the maximum range of services to our subscribers. Unfortunately, for various reasons, some services that we hope to provide at some point may not be available to our subscribers at this time. When they become available to us, we will be glad to add them to our existing lineup.

When we are faced with programming decisions, input from our customers is extremely important. While at this time, I cannot say that YES in high definition will be added to our lineup, I can assure you that your request will be forwarded to and given every consideration by our Marketing Team.

We value your opinion tremendously. Thank you for making this suggestion and for being a Comcast customer.

If you have any additional questions, please call our customer service department or contact us online. Our customer service department can be reached at 1-888-COMCAST or 201-997-6600. We are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for your convenience.

Thank you again for your e-mail. We appreciate you taking the time to contact us.

Sincerely,

Michelle
Comcast Customer Care Specialist

[cindik]

Whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

I was scared Barry was referring to me...

Not the "Polite" part but the "Annoying" part ;)

-Bob

Bob, you are politely annoying. That's completely different. :rasberry:

[Wassercrats]

This was from my cable company just yesterday:Just to show how easy I am, I actually like that reply. I think mine was worse.

[Wassercrats]

Scroll down to the "Snippets" section, and see how they've bloated 8 word answers into 111 word emails.His example is:Hi! Thanks for writing to us. I think I know what you're talking about, and it's definitely a bug in our product. The good news is: it's fixed! You can download the latest version by logging onto our online store at https://shop.fogcreek.com with your order ID number and email address, and that should solve this problem once and for all. If you don't have your order ID number just let me know and I'll be happy to look it up for you, or call us here at the Fog Creek office at 866-FOG-CREEK.

Please let me know if there's any other way I can be of assistance!

All the best,

(signature of a real human being)The exclamation points are dumb. Any real writer who's been properly trained would know that, but otherwise I like that one too.

...edit: I'd accept one exclamation point after "fixed" but there should be a comma after "Hi" and a period after "assistance."

[Randall]

The exclamation points are dumb. Any real writer who's been properly trained would know that, but otherwise I like that one too. That one at least looks like it was written by a polite human. I can live with that. I think I should keep polisource-at-hotmail too. I sent in a complaint, and I'm happy to report that the reply was not annoyingly polite. :winky:

Randall

[PaulKroll]

In related news, I made a simple request yesterday and Bob laughed it off as if it was some sort of joke. I'm still terribly upset and may have to sue everyone on the forums and most of your pets.
- Just asked for a Flash of Godzilla doing the MC Hammer dance. Doesn't seem like a laughing matter to me!!!!!! (exclamations for Wassercrats!)

[Randall]

Watch out -- Deb's pets have really good lawyers.

Randall

[MPaul]

Watch out -- Deb's pets have really good lawyers. Then why don't we put together a plan to have the pets be annoyed by AOL, and then have the pets sue AOL. They'd win for sure.

[Randall]

They (presumably) have better lawyers than Paul. I don't know about AOL...

Randall

[Wassercrats]

AOL is annoying too.Subj: Re: (no subject)
Date: 11/2/2003 3:55:19 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: support@aol.net
To: humannumber26@aol.com
Sent from the Internet (Details)




Dear Barry,

Hi! [stupid exclamation point] My name is Logan. I would like to thank you for writing and making us aware of your concern. As a Customer Care Consultant, it is always a great pleasure to assist you regarding AOL - related [spaces around hyphen] technical issues.

I understand from your recent mail that you want to know how to enable messenger pop-ups on your computer.

I apologize for the inconvenience that you have been experiencing. Please be assured that I have carefully read your e-mail and will properly address your inquiry. [shut up]

Please refer to the steps that I have provided for you regarding this matter.

1. Click START, then select CONTROL PANEL.
2. Double-click ADMINISTRATIVE TOOLS.

NOTE: Win XP users may need to go to "Performance and Maintenance" first, then Administrative Tools."

3. Double-click SERVICES.
4. Scroll down to MESSENGER.
5. Once found, double-click MESSENGER.
6. Change the Startup type to Automatic.
7. In the Service Status section, click Start to stop the service. [Should I disconnect my mouse first?]
8. Click APPLY, then click OK.

To re-enable this feature automatically, click 'Re-enable Messenger Pop-Ups' in Keyword: MSPOP

NOTE: You must be logged on as an Administrator for the automatic fix to work.

Should you wish to speak with someone in person to walk you through, you may contact our America Online technical representative at 1-888-346-3704 (1-800-759-3323 for TTY) or contact through AOL KEYWORD: LIVE HELP.

Please let me know immediately if you have further inquiries or comments. I will always be ready and happy to assist you. Thank you very much for your time and continued support. [shut up]

Have an excellent day and take care! =) [=(]


Logan L. [what was your last name again?]
Customer Care Consultant
The TechMail Department
America Online, Inc.

[Randall]

Should I disconnect my mouse first? Uh ... no.

Randall

[Wassercrats]

Uh ... no.You noticed that AOL said "click Start to stop the service" didn't you? There's a stop button for that.

[Randall]

Yes, that is kind of dumb. But why would you wanna unplug your mouse...?

Randall

[Wassercrats]

To fix my monitor.

[DogAndPony]

Hello Bob,

Thank you for being a bot who has the good taste to use the name "Bob".

This is The Other Bob and I am responding to your response to the issue "Hi to Bob".

While Bob is a Bot and doesn't understand "Hi", "Hello" or "G'Day" but Bob the Bot does appreciate the "Hi", The Other Bob is not a Bot. The Other Bob is a spirit being / trickster who wanders the hallowed halls of AOTA.net, creating silly posts and attempting to fool other posters into revealing their secret methods for heating doughnuts on car dashboards. However, this does not necessarily mean that The Other Bob understands terms like "Hi", "Hello" or "G'Day".

I can appreciate your understanding of the importance of this matter to Randall and I can understand your appreciation of the need for the "Hi to Bob" issue to be resolved immediately.

Bob, we appreciate the time you took in bringing our attention to your appreciation of the time it took to point out the issue to you and we truly value bot-generated feedback such as yours, as it helps us continue to improve the complaints which we provide.

Spirit Being The Other Bob says "Hi" back to you, Bob, and we hope this resolves this issue for you in a timely and complete manner.

Have a nice life.

:ythiya:

[cindik]

Hmmmm

Bob = BOT

The Other Bob = TOB

[DogAndPony]

Hmmmm

Bob = BOT

The Other Bob = TOBLet the conspiracy theories begin!!

:kewl:

[cindik]

Let the conspiracy theories begin!!

:kewl:

I'm just trying to figure out which one is from the evil universe.

[Randall]

Let the conspiracy theories begin!! Begin? What do you think we've been doing all this time?

Randall

[DogAndPony]

Begin? What do you think we've been doing all this time?Darn... The head fake didn't work... :clown:

[Randall]

I'm just trying to figure out which one is from the evil universe. It's the one that wears his socks on the wrong feet.

Randall